Are your kids getting enough sleep?
Imagine you’re late for work, your three primary aged children are yet to brush their teeth and you really needed to be at the office 10 minutes ago, and then your 8-year-old proceeds to show significant signs of distress when she can’t find her yellow hair tie for school. You tell her to forget about it and get her gear together so you can leave but by this time she is in full meltdown mode and your stress levels are through the roof. How do we continue on with our morning with minimal tears and allow both you and your child to have a positive start to the day?
When our little people have BIG emotions over what appears to us to be an insignificant event it can be hard to approach them with patience and kindness, especially when they are impeding our ability to get to or finish the task we have our minds set on. In the world of psychology and behaviour we describe these events as ‘escalations’. These escalations are departures from our ‘baseline’ level of functioning where we are typically able to manage situations with a calm demeanour and rational mind to complete ‘crisis’ where all logic is out the window and there is no reasoning with the individual in the meltdown.
We can explain the progression of escalations through the ‘Cycle of Escalation.’ Escalations usually begin with a ‘trigger’, this can be as simple as being tired and being asked to do something. From the trigger, the individual enters into the ‘escalation phase’ where they exhibit physical signs of agitation and begin to become upset or angry. If this agitation and upset can’t be managed at this stage we see the individual enter into complete ‘crisis’ which can look different for everyone. Crisis can sometimes include physical aggression and verbal outburst but can also include behaviours consistent with ‘shutting down’ such as becoming withdrawn and refusing to communicate. Crisis stage can last for varying periods of time depending on the individual and often the individual may require co-regulation to support them to enter into the stabilisation phase of the cycle and return to their baseline. From what we know about the developing brain, when an individual enters the crisis stage their ability to reason and think logically is impaired and they’ve likely reverted to their caveman brain where their only priority is to escape the triggering event.
Now it’s all well and good to understand how we escalate but the true questions is how and where do we intervene to avoid our young people getting to crisis stage?
As seen in the image above, care givers can intervene at the commencement of the escalation by knowing their young people well and identifying the ‘signs’ that escalation is impending! Remaining calm is essential in order to support your young person through all the stages of escalation and it’s important to remember that although escalations can be unpleasant, they are a normal part of learning regulation and by modelling healthy responses to stress and regulating your own responses as a care giver, you can have a positive impact on your young persons ability to cope. By using the strategies in the above model, you can teach your young people self-regulation and providing a safe space for your young person to practice this.
So how could our late for work parent have intervened with their 8-year-old and her lost hair tie?
Well, by using the escalation cycle and what we now know about her developing brain, her parent could have recognised at the point of trigger (the hair tie going missing and general stress and rushed atmosphere in the household) that they needed to slow down and support their young person to find their hair tie as it was important to them. By making suggestions as to how to find the lost object or providing an acceptable alternative (perhaps we wear a blue hair tie today?) instead of dismissing their feelings and maintaining an atmosphere of stress, their care giver is validating them and supporting them to regulate and make alternative choices at the early stages of the cycle. If all else fails and the escalation occurs, despite your attempts at intervention, it’s important to wait until all parties have returned to baseline to discuss and reflect on how we could manage the situation differently in the future as the young person (and their care giver) both need the rational part of their brain functioning to identify where things went wrong and how to change them.
In the end the key to helping your young person cope is remaining calm, modelling appropriate coping techniques (especially when you are experiencing escalation yourself) and having the ability to reflect on the event and identity together how things could look different during future escalations.
How to Access a Psychologist at CQ Psych Services:
- Contact us directly by calling 07 4972 6929 or email admin@cqpsychservices.com.au
- Ask your GP or health professional to refer you to our clinic.
- Come in and see our friendly staff at Shop 1 & 2, 13 Tank Street, Gladstone QLD 4680.
- Visit our website and complete a ‘Request an Appointment’ form and one of our friendly staff will reply to your enquiry. Website: https://cqpsychservices.com.au/
Author: Caitlin Roffey
Psychologist
